How I Got Here
Discovering a way to respect my body, free up mental space, and enjoy my life.
[Trigger Warning: Weight loss, Before/after pictures, Dieting]
I believe everyone is born an Intuitive Eater. As we grow, and we're influenced by our world, many of us acquire habits and beliefs rooted in diet culture. This means we subscribe to the idea that we need to match the thin ideal, our weight is within our control, "clean eating" is the gold standard, and exercise is to obtain a certain aesthetic.
I was fortunate to grow up in a household that embraced intuitive eating for most of my childhood. My food was not restricted and my parents did not comment on my weight. I point this out because, even though I had these protective measures, I still fell under the trance of dieting later in my life. We always had all varieties of food, nutritious and fun, available. That being said, I do acknowledge that I grew up and live in a strait size, athletic body...its in my genes. Intentional weight loss and trying to curate the size of my body did not enter my thoughts until college.
I was a three sport athlete throughout my high school career and most days I was engaging in exercise for 2-3 hours per day. I ate multiple times per day without any thought or guilt.
Diet culture tends to sneak up on you and disguise itself as the social norm leading to poor mental health outcomes and body image.
College
In college, I continued my athletic journey I had started in high school, participating on the volleyball team for 3 years and the track team for 4. I try to identify the moment when disordered thoughts began to enter my mind and I think it was when I noticed that I had a slightly larger body than my fellow volleyball playing roommates. I innocently began to try to "eat good" for periods of time before vacations or warm weather to "feel good in my body". At this point, it was nothing drastic and I was still healthy for all intents and purposes.
Post-College
After college, I got a job as an OT in my hometown and lived with my parents for about awhile. I was in a long distance relationship, but didn't have many hobbies. I was learning how to settle into my new role; my new identity as an adult. I was also significantly less active than I had been in college. I began to gain a little weight, which I would like to point out, needs to be normalized for different seasons of life. I still ate healthy and moved my body, but lacked the structure I had in sports (see my blog post: Why Athletes are Susceptible to Diet Culture for more details on this). A friend from college was posting about her "weight loss journey" and how she was coaching others and I decided to sign up for the program. I should note here, I do not blame her for this part of my journey as it was simply part of the social norm influenced by diet culture and ultimately led me to a ton of growth.
Wellness Coach
I ended up signing up for the fitness/nutrition program as well as a coaching account at the same time. I loved the fact that it gave me a structured workout routine, told me exactly what to eat, and gave me the opportunity to teach others what was "working for me". I have an "achiever" type of personality, so I got big hits of dopamine from following the plan TO A TEE. I felt so disciplined and really felt like it was "working for me". I dropped a pants size in a month and was developing a six pack. I'll be honest, I felt like I had unlocked a new level of life. I wanted to share it with everyone. However, as time when on, I noticed it was harder and harder to maintain the trim size and the work and discipline that it took to keep me at that size left me feeling isolated and was honestly a fun filter. I did have a few people express concern that I was becoming too thin, but those comments were over shadowed by the immense positive praise from society and social media with my new look, which is a whole different issue to be covered at another time.
When I was about 5 years in, I took on my most challenging program yet with hour+ long workouts and "timed nutrition" meaning that the plan told me what, how much, and when to eat. While I felt like I had complete control of my health, I had this nagging dilemma over how I was going to maintain this type of strategy long term. It really just didn't mesh with my lifestyle and growing family. My body began to feel run down and I felt burnt out. One day, I was listening to a podcast (one of my favorite things ever) and I heard someone talking about this concept called Intuitive Eating (IE) and I was intrigued.
Disordered eating days - 3 Day Cleanse circa 2017 (not recommended)
The Pendulum Swing
I started exploring the IE principles (see Resources for a link to these) and light bulbs were starting to go off. I like what it could do for me, but wasn't sure I wanted to give up the excitement and pursuit of a "perfect body". However, when I learned the science and research behind the concept, I was sold. In a matter of a couple weeks, I stopped my workouts, starting incorporating eating principles of IE and immersed myself in the literature.
Its important to note that becoming an Intuitive Eater is a process that involves so much unlearning that if feels wrong at first. I stuck with it though, because I yearned for a more sustainable mindset that would set a good example for my kids.
It has been almost 3 years of this practice and I'm still learning. Its also important to understand my case of taking on and sticking with IE by myself is not necessarily the norm. I have an extensive background in Psychology, habit change, human behavior, and research. I would recommend seeking support from a professional to navigate the bumps and challenges that come with the transition. This concept made so much sense to me that I wanted to know how I could learn more and possibly teach others. I literally considered looking into becoming a dietician for short time, until I found out that allied health professionals are able to become Certified Intuitive Eating Counselors. That's when I decided to pursue my certification with the dream of one day being able to launch a business like this. It brings me such joy to see it starting to come to fruition.
Where I am Today
As I am writing this, I am in the process of becoming a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. These counselors are traditionally registered dietitians and you don't find many OTs in the field. However, OTs also have so much to offer though. We are experts of lifestyle changes, optimizing your environment for success, coping strategies, improving quality of life, and learning how to use interoceptive awareness to your advantage...all important pieces of becoming an intuitive eater. I'm so happy you've stuck with me until this point, I know I have a lot of say. And if you have, this might just be intriguing you, like it did me.
I encourage you to check out more of the resources on the page. As I learn more and grow, I will continue to update my site with the most relevant information and services.
Thanks,
Kayla
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