I'm on a walk right now with my son thinking about this time in my life. I look at other people my age, who had kids earlier and see them doing all sorts of fun things, things for themselves, and I recognize that I am "in it" right now with caring for a little kids. It never ceases to frustrate me the amount that people do not talk about how difficult it is to have a little kids. Instead, you are told to enjoy it, inadvertently minimizing your feelings.
Becoming a parent is crazy. You go from only caring for yourself to taking care of other human beings, every aspect of their lives, within just a few short years for a lot of people. I'm not saying this to shame those who chose not to have children all or who were unable, I'm just trying to shed some light for those who are also "in it "with me and say, you aren't alone.
The beautiful moments that everyone tells you to really savor are mixed in with difficult, stressful, sleep-deprived, and disgusting moments of parenthood. And unfortunately, media is inundated with feeds of the perfect vacations, beautiful homes, and curated family photos to make you think you are doing it wrong. Without understanding that this is not what life likely looks like on a day-to-day basis, you may inadvertently compare yourself to something that is not even close to realistic.
Recognizing the capacity that I have at any given season of my life has been one of the most crucial things that I have done to care for myself. In some seasons, you may only have the slightest amount of energy left in your tank at the end of the day for yourself. Saying no, and setting boundaries can help preserve what little bit of extra time you have, to maintain your sanity. I even went so far as to change my career to lessen the daily stress I was feeling. I was fortunate to transition to something that didn't drain me emotionally and mentally, but rather recharged my battery which away from my kids.
Another thought, make your life as simple as possible and eliminate as many decisions as you can. Pre-prepared meals are a savior. Setting alarms in my phone calendar remove the need to remember appointments. And also, one word...delegate. Off load as much responsibility as you can. You do not need to be the one making all the decisions, at least not right now. That's for another time and place.
So, in conclusion, acknowledgment that different seasons, bring different capacities, is essential for a foundation of self-care. And, as mentioned in the past, by self-care, I do not mean a pedicure and drinks out with friends (which would be fantastic), I'm talking more like a shower, reading a book, watching a Netflix show, or just having time for yourself in the quiet. You deserve that at a bare minimum. I have seen glimpses of that freedom that sits ahead of me when my kids are more independent, and I will admit that I look forward to it. I also love the beautiful parts of this phase, but I don't need to love all of them to be a good parent. For those of you still "in it" with me, know that your thoughts and feelings are valid, give yourself a break, and in the words of one of my favorite influencers @bigtimeadulting, "get yourself a snack."
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