Is commenting on weight loss a good thing?

I opened a message from my friend this morning that explained that she was sick and tired of people making comments about her weight. She is a newer mom, so one would typically assume that she means people are inferring she hasn't lost her baby weight. I mean, why would she be complaining about people talking about her being thin? That doesn't make sense, right?

She then went on to tell me that after having her baby, she hasn't had much time to workout so she's lost a lot of muscle mass. Being a lifelong athlete, this has been something that's always been important to her. She's also been breastfeeding and running around after an active baby which has likely contributed to weight loss. You see, she has always lived in a thin body, so now, with the stress and physical demands of new motherhood, her body is having difficulty holding onto weight.

So when someone recently commented to her, "I can't believe you just had a baby and you are so skinny!" she was not filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment. She felt just as bad and self conscious as if they had commented on weight gain. She said to me, "How am I even supposed to respond to this?" and I didn't know what to tell her.

Despite what society has taught us, not all body changes are intentional.

Here's another scenario. Let's say you have a co-worker who suddenly loses a bunch of weight. You want the details, so you compliment them on how great they look and ask how they've done it. Later, you find out they have been undergoing chemotherapy for cancer and their weight loss is all but intentional.

Let's flip the scales, no pun intended. What if someone you know, who has always appeared to the the "ideal" body size, begins to gain weight? Maybe you've even longed to have their same body type. Since most of us have been taught to believe weight gain is bad news, you wonder if that person has "fallen off the wagon" or "let themselves go". You then find out that they actually have struggled with an eating disorder for many years, resulting in that "ideal" body, and this perceived negative weight gain by you, is actually them on the road to recovery and health.

In my case, when I was entrenched in dieting and excessive exercise, thinking I was in peak condition, I received endless compliments on my body and thinness. This felt like a drug for someone who has had my own fair share of body insecurities and encouraged me to want to continue behaviors that were damaging to my mental health.

You just can never know what is underneath that change in body size you see on the outside. Because of this, its best to just refrain from ANY comments about peoples body appearance, size, shape in any way. Most of us would never comment to someone that they appear to have gained weight, but we're likely all guilty of making the comments behind closed doors. On the other hand, I would bet we could all say that we've complimented someone on weight loss. In reality, we had nothing but good intentions. However, those comments could still make someone feel self conscious, or worse, perpetuate self-destructing behaviors.

So here's the challenge, try to eliminate body comments from your vocabulary.

Compliment someone on how happy they look or how they seem to have so much energy. Tell them that you love being around them because they make you laugh. Or if you are concerned, ask your friend if they are okay since you've noticed that they appear stressed or distracted. Then just listen. You may open the door for the to share what they are really struggling with. This is a small change that can have a massive effect on perceptions of all bodies.

Subscribe to get alerts for new content

Like, comment, and/or share below to spread the message ❤️🗣️👇